Lost..

Do you ever get this feeling where you're about to sofficate, asphyxiated by your surrounding. The people you encounter, the thoughts you hold, the things you have to do. Is this world a set of rules we shouldn't cross to survive? Is the lasting of our species contingent upon respecting what others want or following our own gut feeling.

I am going through that feeling thses days. I have really a traffic jam of thoughts in my head all of which I don't think I can handle. My parents and I have clashing ideas about a particular subeject. They started discussing it with me, ending the conversation by : "do what you want", as implicitly saying "do what we want". It's a whole lot of pressure they are dragging me into. At the end, I feel that if I do what I really want I'd look a miserable apathetic selfish girl who don't give a shit about what her parents think while it's the complete opposite. In contrast to many teenagers of my age who tend to pleasing themselves by hook or by by crook, I lean towards pleasing all sides even if the solution is way far fetched and unaccepted by me. That sounds a bit frivolous in some way since accepting what I don't really want was never my thing but when it comes to my parents my kind little heart remains above all dignity. Though when I happen to be aware that my parents are completly wrong, I do not give up easily. I then find myself thinking about any futility that could be conceivable by my parents. I'm even sometimes driven to rehash old arguments where I proved myself right. Yes I know no excuse encomposes how lame and clumsy it is of me to rehash old stuff  but they've left me with no other alternatives.

Though, I've been thinking all day about what I should do in this case. I'm no selfish apatheticgirl for I care too much about others but I really wanna be in that class. Is it really that wrong? I can't forecast what will happen then but I'm positive that I'll be more knowledgeable in English studies and communication. Although my parents are kind of leery of the importance of this class concidering the fact that my sisters didn't continue until this level. They both stopped at Adv4. Actually I won't deny that my sisters and I are alike concerning our studies but we do not agree much on this point. My passion for English was secretly growing as time passed by, exceeding that which of my sisters. Maybe my urge has more powerful assets.