Concidering all the ups and downs we've been having, actually more downs than ups, I am starting to believe that you and I are doomed to always keep fighting to the point that it is starting to poison our relationship and drag it down to drawning. Will it vanish with time and meditation? Are the thoughts that I am having just in my head? Are you and I okey? Do you really believe that? As much as I want to believe that, it doesn't really seem to be this way. They say that just summer closes few doors not entirely but just partially. Though I was seeing you and I from a complete other angle you know, I never really thought that we'd reash this point of disagreeing. I'm not really sure I can put up with the bitterness of our problems as much as I tried to convince myself to it, I find myself just pretending while it has never been my thing to pretend something and live in a fake way.
But when I stop from a moment to recall how we got into this, I realize that I am not entirely to blame for you have started everything. I can be a pain in the ass when I'm mad, I can even be unbelievably mean like a total badass bitch and start sending few words like bullets to your head. Yeah, I just pull that trigger and let every single cruel unbearable word come out. But, it's not like I have a choice, I don't do that unless I have reashed the point where my tolerance is nihilistic. Did it hurt? I'm not really that sorry because you've done the same and even worse to me. I really don't need to rehash old arguments and start remembering all the shit that has happened because that it unpleasant. What have I done after all the arguments, I decided on my own to take aback, and stay remote for a while, thinking that it is all for the best. I had no idea then that it would make things even worse. But it was good for me because I'd rather not talk to you than to spend every single day fighting over something I know will never be solved.
I feel like a hurricane, a volcano ready to blow up and let all my lava out, burning every single thing surrounding me.
I hate you because you are disappointing me. I hate you because I believed in you when they didn't. I hate you because you are prooving wrong every single thing I thought of you. I hate you because you are tossing to dust every single memory we lived together. Memories? Is that me talking? I really sound pathetic here . Hope, expectation, and all what comes with it are words that sound incerdibly pathetic here. I mean what was I expecting? Expectation is the root of heartache and yet I expected more much than this. Talking like this doesn't really mean that I'm heartbroken or something, not at all, I am genuinely disgusted by the thought about how you became as a person. Seeing you I could barely recognize you, you have to be ashamed of yourself.
You'll say I'm not understanding even after explaining, but what can I do when your excuses and so called "arguments" are too iffy and more lame than the thing you did and I quit following my heart when it comes to you.
I am positive that if we continue this way, this relationship is gonna change my attitude with people so fucking much. This facade I am standing with will utterly change.
But when I stop from a moment to recall how we got into this, I realize that I am not entirely to blame for you have started everything. I can be a pain in the ass when I'm mad, I can even be unbelievably mean like a total badass bitch and start sending few words like bullets to your head. Yeah, I just pull that trigger and let every single cruel unbearable word come out. But, it's not like I have a choice, I don't do that unless I have reashed the point where my tolerance is nihilistic. Did it hurt? I'm not really that sorry because you've done the same and even worse to me. I really don't need to rehash old arguments and start remembering all the shit that has happened because that it unpleasant. What have I done after all the arguments, I decided on my own to take aback, and stay remote for a while, thinking that it is all for the best. I had no idea then that it would make things even worse. But it was good for me because I'd rather not talk to you than to spend every single day fighting over something I know will never be solved.
I feel like a hurricane, a volcano ready to blow up and let all my lava out, burning every single thing surrounding me.
I hate you because you are disappointing me. I hate you because I believed in you when they didn't. I hate you because you are prooving wrong every single thing I thought of you. I hate you because you are tossing to dust every single memory we lived together. Memories? Is that me talking? I really sound pathetic here . Hope, expectation, and all what comes with it are words that sound incerdibly pathetic here. I mean what was I expecting? Expectation is the root of heartache and yet I expected more much than this. Talking like this doesn't really mean that I'm heartbroken or something, not at all, I am genuinely disgusted by the thought about how you became as a person. Seeing you I could barely recognize you, you have to be ashamed of yourself.
You'll say I'm not understanding even after explaining, but what can I do when your excuses and so called "arguments" are too iffy and more lame than the thing you did and I quit following my heart when it comes to you.
I am positive that if we continue this way, this relationship is gonna change my attitude with people so fucking much. This facade I am standing with will utterly change.
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